I recently watched a dating show on TV where the guy was trying to balance the needs of his best friend (a female) and his girlfriend. The girls didn’t like each other so, as you can guess, this just made things worse. He was being forced to decide between the two. Awkward…but necessary. What do you do if your girlfriend doesn't like your friends? This is a common situation. A girl falls for a guy but not his friend(s) who are girls. I want to share some thoughts on how you can balance things when your girlfriend is not a fan of one of your friends.
First, have an open conversation involving a lot of listening on both parts. Ask questions like, “tell me specifically what it is that you don’t like about my friendship with X”. Kindly insist that the answer needs to go a lot deeper than, “I just don’t like X”. We are essentially looking for any sort of opportunity for you, as the person in the middle, to mend the fence – especially if it was perhaps a misunderstanding.
Second, take time for yourself to review what it is this particular friendship offers you. Is it healthy? Does your friend respect your girlfriend? Do you see yourself being friends with this person for a long time? What is it that she provides that your girlfriend doesn’t? You need to conclude if this friendship is valuable to you.
Third, talk with your girlfriend about how you want to respect both her needs and your own and that you’d like to find a way to meet in the middle. This is about an agreement, not a compromise where one person feels like they are giving in. Maybe all your girlfriend actually needs is for you to share with her like you share with your friend. This could be a wonderful opportunity to draw you even closer.
Usually the basis for a girl not liking her guy’s friend(s) is a lack of trust so understand this is the deeper issue going on. Either she doesn’t trust your friend or she doesn’t trust you. Either one definitely needs to be addressed for your relationship to realistically continue.
Also, respect that you are now in a relationship. What goes along with being in a healthy relationship is ‘shifting who you share with’. It means you do your best to now come to your girlfriend with stuff that’s on your mind, rather than confiding in your friends-who-are-girls. You wouldn’t want your girlfriend to be sharing on a deeper level with a male friend, right?
And, quite honestly, if the two girls don’t get along and there’s no hope of amends, you are just going to have to make a decision. Sneaking around is not an option and trying to keep both sides happy even though they are not a fan of each other will be exhausting and lame.
So start with an open conversation, apply my tips and good luck to you.
To your authenticity,
Love, Christine