Whether you consider yourself proficient at reading body language or someone who consistently doesn’t pick up hints, you will learn something new from these tips. When it comes to flirting and body language, author Rachel DeAlto does a great job in summing it up in her book, “Flirt Fearlessly”. I recommend giving it a read to learn signs of attraction. She opens by saying, “Being able to read another’s nonverbal cues can save you a lot of time, and even prevent rejection. This interpretation can help you determine whether or not a touch is appropriate, if further conversations are worthwhile, or whether you should ask for a phone number or a date. There are certain things that men and women do differently in terms of body language, however, for the most part, the cues are quite similar.”
When you are assessing body language, don’t make any decisions based on just one. Look for clusters of signs.
Here are some gender-neutral signals of interest that Rachel describes in her book:
Squared off shoulders – if they are positioned so that it seems as if you are opening your hearts to each other, it is a sign that you are receptive and interested in hearing what they have to say. It says loud and clear, “I am listening, and I want to connect with you” – without your having to utter a syllable.
- Leaning forward
- Open and animated gestures
- Lip Licking
- Flared nostrils
- Open arms
- Mirroring – if they are in sync with your movements, they are interested
- Pointy feet – if they are facing you, they are interested
- Raised eyebrows – subtle but noticeable
- Eye contact/Smiling
- Dilated pupils
- Preening
- Laughter
- Light touches
- Head tilt – the classic come hither move
Here are some signs women give that Rachel describes in her book:
- Hair twirling It can be a subconscious sign of nervousness, but it can also be a come-hither signal.
- Crossed legs If she crosses her legs and her top leg points in your direction, she is interested. If the top leg points away, she might not be (or maybe she just had to switch legs to avoid a cramp…you’ll have to investigate a little further to find out).
- Wandering fingers If a woman has a drink and she’s attracted to you, she may start to rub the bottom of the glass with her fingertips, or stroke the stem of the wine glass.
- Touchy feely Especially from a woman, a touch can mean a lot. In a flirting situation, it is one of the most accurate signals that she’s interested.
- Shoe dance Dangling her shoe off from her toes is a way of showing that she’s comfortable in the situation.
Here are some signs men give that Rachel describes in her book:
- Guidance As you are walking together, he “guides” you by touching the small of your back or your elbow. It’s a mixture of “Back off, I’ve got her” to other guys, “I’m not going to lose sight of this one” to himself, and “I am going to protect you” to the girl
- Hands on hips He is trying to accentuate his physical size and confidence (or build up his confidence).
- Puffed up If he is standing with his muscles contracted and at full attention he is trying to impress you with his stature
- Legs spread Whether you want it or not, he is sitting across from you giving you a crotch display to indicate what he has got to offer.
- Tie stroking/hair smoothing/sock adjusting Guys preen too – they are trying to look good for you because they are interested.
- Eyebrow flash If a guy is interested he will lift his eyebrows and crinkle his forehead. Just for a quick instant, though.
- Spread legs while standing If a guy is into you, he will make a stand. Literally. If he squares off to you while standing with his legs shoulder-width apart, he is looking to mate.
As Rachel reminds us, it’s not about judging the situation based on one single sign but rather a cluster of signs. I find watching body language to be fascinating so have fun the next time you are on a date or simply observing people in public.
To your authenticity,
Love, Christine