What does it mean to you when you hear the word success? Have you ever tried to figure out how to define success? Does the meaning of success change for you depending on what type of success you’re defining?
Let’s look at success in relationships.
How do you define a successful relationship? What elements need to be present? What is non-negotiable for you to experience success in your relationship?
While there are some elements that will be deeply personal, there a few simple steps that anyone can take to make their relationships more successful.
For starters, we all need to understand that any relationship is an energetic exchange. When two people come together, they are on some level, a match for each another.
Now the part of you that ‘matches’ may not always be what you like about yourself, so when you see it show up in your partner, you’re probably not going to like it in them either!
For example, let’s say that you find yourself to be too judgmental of others. That might leave you feeling particularly sensitive when your partner makes comments to you that sound like he’s – well, judging you.
On the other hand though, you and you’re partner can be mirrors for how you approach life with a clear focus, as a result of that same skill of discernment. (That’s the nice way of saying judgment.)
How you define success in your relationship will vary depending on how you view it, either through a positive or negative filter. The first simple step that you can take is to recognize that you have an impact o n your partner, and how they’re showing up.
In fact, in most cases, I would go so far as to say that the woman sets the tone for the relationship. Therefore, it’s very helpful to have a clear idea of how you define success for your relationship.
Here’s simple step number two. If success for you means feeling good around each other, then you need to make sure that you feel good with yourself first. You can’t show up and expect someone else to make you feel better.
You need to at least be willing to try to cheer yourself up on your own, before asking someone else to help get a giggle out you. If you really can’t shift how you’re feeling, consider taking some time alone rather than engaging with your partner when you know you can’t offer him, what it is that you yourself are lacking.
Simple step number three is to take some time to clarify what it is that you really desire in your relationship. Define success on your own terms and build a mental map of what it looks like so you’ll know it when you see it and experience it.
Too often we’re so busy chasing someone else’s idea of what success looks like, we never even notice it when it’s happening in our own lives. Sometimes the simplest things define success in our relationships and they’re so simple that we overlook them.
Here are a few questions to get you started:
1) What’s the funniest memory you have of being with your current partner, or in a previous relationship?
2) What was it about that situation that is so memorable for you?
3) How can you experience more of that?
I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below.
To your authenticity,
Love, Christine